of why no one prepared me for the age of 40.
I do not remember my 30s. All I know is that it flew by very quickly, probably because I was working non-stop, chasing careers, being over-ambitious and having tragically lost my best friend. 30s taught me to run with whatever life offered, to bury my feelings somewhere deep and keep running.
And then, 40s came around so quickly that I was not prepared for it. This chapter was terrifying for me. It wasn’t just a change in the number but it was a whole lot of things I started observing about myself. Some people say 40 is the new 20, I want to meet those people who think that. I feel like 40 is only 40. Nothing and no one prepares you for 40. It comes as a tidal wave, hits in the face and wherever else it needs to hit.
What I was not prepared for:
Women’s health changes in the blink of an eye: I wish! someday, one day!, doctors can prepare and inform women for what to expect when they get their first period to when they will hit perimenopause and menopause. What to look out for? How to prepare for these phases? Take the guesswork and gaslighting out, please! If you can’t figure out what’s going on with a patient, then please phone your doctor friend but please find a solution.*
My Eyes: I was complaining to my sister, “why do I feel blurry when I am reading something?” and she instantly pulled our her glasses and gave it to me to try and just magically, the font size increased with those glasses I wore. I was stunned and she goes, “yep, you have the 40 year old eyes.” So, I got my eyes checked and have reading glasses but once I remove the glass, and watch TV then the TV is blurry. I think I need a TV glasses? Is that a thing? I don’t know. My 40 year old eyes were quite evident one evening (in broad sunlight!!!), when my husband and I were pulling in to our neighborhood and at a distance, I saw 2 people, 1 wearing a helmet and 1 wearing a hoodie. I said to my husband - “oh look, the kids in our neighborhood are flying drones, so cool” And to that my husband was like - “no those are our neighbors taking a hornet’s nest out.” I argued with him - “no you are wrong, those are kids flying drones!” The wife is always right bell rang in my mind. When we went closer, they in fact were 2 grown men who were holding a spray bottle and trying to get rid of a hornet’s nest.
Hangry: Is getting “Hangry” a symptom of perimenopause? is it? because I go into delirium when I have not had anything to eat but the minute I eat, I am back to my usual self. It is wild! My husband is terrified of this personality change within seconds.
That chin hair!!: I actually saw a reel about this on instagram that when a women looks like she is deep in her thoughts with one hand on her chin, she’s trying to remove that 1 chin hair! It is so relatable. I have had to ask my husband to pull it out for me and he did, while he was driving. It was hilarious! but its back. Its living rent free on my chin!
My own scavenger hunt: I tend to leave my phone somewhere and go into full on panic mode if I cannot find it. And, Siri can’t hear me, no matter how loud I can get. And my apple watch is somewhere. During the quest to find my own phone, I find things that I have been looking for for a very long period of time such as that top that I thought I lost, or the 1 sock of a pair of socks but now I can’t find the other sock!
Speaking of socks, I stopped looking for the same pair of socks: I have reached a limit in 40 year old life where I have stopped looking for the same pair of socks. The socks will find me. I have been wearing different pairs of socks in the winter. Its fine!, everything’s fine! No one cares!
Add low patience, brain fog, random aches in random places to this list.
In all these un-prepared moments, I have realized that the age of 40 is asking me to walk, instead of run. It is asking me to slow down, absorb and trust the process. Things I have been doing in this “walk, don’t run” phase:
Stare aimlessly at the sky, when I wake up: Yes, I wake up and pour a cup of hot water and stand outside staring at the sky or my plants. My neighbors must be wondering what’s going on but the few minutes in the morning, gives me time to go into regular scheduled programming for the day.
Become part of my furniture/stay home: I don’t know if it is the traffic, or things are getting expensive going out. The thought of getting ready to go outside seems to be exhausting. I have blended into my furniture at this point and only go out to meet my friends once a week. It is very different when I travel to Mumbai though, I want to be outside. May be the city, cars honking, city lights and of course my people pull me outside.
Reduce the need to do things right away: Such as unpacking my suitcase and immediately loading laundry after a 26 hour flight. Yes, I am that person!! But this time around, I haven’t unpacked. It will creep up later but I’ll deal with it later. It can wait. That pile of laundry can wait.
Switch to nighty!!: Yes, my desi friends, you know what a nighty is! And yes I have reached that point in my life to wear a nighty at home. I can’t deal with pajamas and a T shirt’s anymore. Embracing this new era of nighty! In fact, I wore a nighty and a crop top over it for my long flight back to US. I will call it Couture! If designer brands can take our local chappal (sandal) and make them walk the runway, then this could be next. So my desi designers, please grab the opportunity and make airport nighty fashion happen! I started this trend! so give me credit!!, K? :)
Cooking the meals that I grew up eating: How life comes full circle? The kid who never liked sambhar or molagutal or thokku is now making these things at home. I can’t handle the “Indian” food they sell here. It is filled with garam masala and baking soda. 2 things no one should use excess of at any point. During my recent trip, my mom’s neighbor and my aunt brought some really delicious palakkad meals! Something so simple can taste so delicious. I guess seeing them make these dishes with love and care, brought me back to my roots.
So to this new era of 40s, definitely getting my eyes checked and walking this walk! Boop!
Disclaimer: *This post reflects my personal thoughts and experiences and isn’t directed at any specific doctor, person, or practice. I’m not a medical professional, and nothing here should be taken as medical advice. If you’re dealing with health issues, please talk to a qualified provider who knows your medical history. I’m just here sharing what I wish more people talked about — openly and honestly.